I’m Late to Learn but Always on Time

I’m late to learn according to the things we see in magazines and books and online news and awards of thirty under thirty. I’ve seen teenagers accomplish more than me at age 16 than I have done in a year. I feel so slow but then I ask, is it reality that majority of the world has their shit together before hitting thirty? Am I slow or are we focusing our attention and acclaim on these exceptions?

Look at these little Mozarts running around doing incredible things that haven’t been imagined before… they are not my measure of greatness anymore.

I am exceptional too, but at the pace which is right for me.

Let’s see if you can relate:

The early twenties were confusing and a time to experiment, try everything, get lost and indulge in pleasure.

The mid twenties were an extension of newfound freedom, pleasures and a space to continue to push limits… where do I belong? Frustration sinking that I am not like others. Stable job, great income, happy comfort, sure of myself… what is that?

The late twenties were a disaster. SOS! Trying to keep the same lifestyle as I had begun at the beginning of this chaotic decade. Can’t keep up. What is this anxiety, this depression? I thought seeking pleasure and being a rebel was key to happiness. I did that. Then why am I so sad? Why do I feel so alone? Who tf am I?

So all that time, I was actively lost intent on getting further lost to find myself. Somewhere talking to strangers in a dark Irish bar in Sunset Park while some outstanding teenagers were receiving global acclaim and I was reading those posts about … you’re late and might as well lay down and die.

So now I am into my thirties and find myself finally putting together the pieces of wisdom I had subconsciously gathered in my previous decade. They make sense. It’s like a jigsaw puzzle which I could have never done when I was a baby adult. It took a “long time” for me to know what I do according to those who know… but I am here now and I am learning and I am not dead yet.

So I may be late to learn. So I never received an award for being a baby adult who is doing remarkable things. Therefore, I now grant myself the award of being a real life, real time learner who is moving forward daily making life into something that is my own, taking moments to understand past wins, failures, pains and pleasure… so that I may be and continue to be whole and proud of myself as I am.

So I was never a little Mozart. But I am always on time. It just took me until now to realize it.

P.S. If you are under thirty, over thirty and feel like you are late to learn because of what is published in popular media… let me remind you, you too are always on time and I grant you the same award I just granted myself:

The Award of a Real Life, No Bullshit Adult who May Not be A Little Mozart but is the Most Amazing Creation of Yourself

This is real life. #overthirty